


Kaladin Takes Lexapro

by shitpostNico (vaporwaveNico)



Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Depression, lexapro, sorry Brandon Sanderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27851210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaporwaveNico/pseuds/shitpostNico
Summary: Wit finds these "Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor" pills in Shadesmar, hijinks ensue. Will Kaladin be able to enjoy sensual stories such as  "The Raunchy Voidbringer" the same way ever again?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Kaladin Takes Lexapro

**Author's Note:**

> this is a joke/based on my personal grudge with lexapro

It was the time of the Endless Rains in Urirthu when the Queen’s Wit had summoned Kaladin to the Queen’s meeting chambers. It was Syl’s fault. Kaladin had spent the past two weeks in bed, listening to a scribe tell him the tale of  _ The Raunchy Voidbringer,  _ a questionable tale of a Voidbringer detective and her Radiant lover. All he’d eaten was choutas.

Syl had long grown bored with  _ The Raunchy Voidbringer.  _ “You know the murderer is the first person they talked to! Every single time! And Reshlain and Tamalah make out, break up, and get back together, every time!” 

“The familiar format comforts me.” 

“I’m telling Wit!” 

“Syl, please…” 

But away Syl went, as a ribbon of light. Kaladin sighed. The period of melancholy was longer than expected. He hadn’t broken any oaths, hurt any people, or pissed off any gods. Couldn’t he eat his choutas in peace? 

* * *

Wit was smiling, and Kaladin raised his eyebrows. He always felt uncomfortable when Wit was smiling. Wit held a white bottle in his hands. 

“Hello, my little weeping willow.”

“What’s a willow?”

Syl buzzed. “It sounds pretty! Is it a sad flower?” 

“You’re close, Syl. Do you know what I picked up today?” 

Kaladin sighed. “What did you pick up today in Shadesmar?” 

Wit shook the little bottle. “Lexapro. This is called… an  _ antidepressant.”  _

“A what?” 

__ “According to this ancient pamphlet….” Wit read through a small stack of papers. “An antidepressant will improve mood. In six weeks. Maybe.” 

“Maybe?” 

Wit loosened the long winding paper, now dragging to his knees. “It may also cause sleepiness, lack of sleep, tiredness, lack of focus, weight gain, weight loss, and may cause you to be unable to climax sexually.” 

“So… it makes me depressed?”

Wit slapped him on the back. “You got anything better to do? C’mon. Let’s try it. For science.” 

* * *

**Six Weeks Later**

Kaladin felt slightly less sad. He was, however, a lot more tired. He spent more and more time listening to the travelling scribes with their stories. And yet, each time he heard,  _ The Raunchy Voidbringer,  _ it excited him less and less. When he privately imagined Reshlain and Tamalah locked in their surging embraces, it took him longer for him to reach the climax of the story in his head (and hand.) 

* * *

**Six months Later**

Kaladin chased down Wit with wobbly steps. He was always so dizzy, lately... 

“Wit,” Kaladin said, with ire growing in his voice, “I can’t cum, I’m tired all of the time, and I’ve gained ten pounds. How is this any storming  _ better?”  _

“But you’re slightly less sad, right?” 

“I mean… it’s a different kind of sad. Before I was miserable but I could do things. Now I’m medium sad and can’t do anything.” 

“Hmm.” Wit said. “Did you know this medication is a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor?” 

“I have no idea what that means.” 

Wit started to make shapes of light, with lines and balls like a constellation, but seemed to think better of it. “Neither do I!  I found another SSRI too! It's the same thing but a slightly different chemical compound that I can't pointedly tell you why it would affect you differently. Do you want to try that instead?" 

"Naw, I'm good."

* * *

**A Week Later**

Kaladin’s head  _ seared  _ with pain. 

He’d stopped taking the Lexapro and he was having  _ withdrawals. _ His brain felt like it was melting, like it was shivering.  Teft had been so concerned he’d asked Kaladin if he’d started using moss. 

“Just these pills Wit gave me from Shadesmar.” 

Teft put his hand on his forehead. “Oh atorming no. You’re not supposed to go straight off of these.” 

“Good news!” Wit said, suddenly. “I’ve found this… cognitive behavioral therapy workbook in Shadesmar!” 

From that day on, Kaladin kept a thought diary, weaned himself off of Lexapro, and, a few years later, could fully enjoy his memories of  _ The Raunchy Voidbringer  _ without needing a blood pressure fabrial to help him along. 

  
  



End file.
